Fear of a Black Hat

I lost my favourite hat today.

I had it yesterday. I remember taking it off during the drive home because my head was feeling weird.

I had to go shopping for paint this morning and I wanted to put on my hat and go to the store. Now I’m old, and misplacing objects has pretty well become common place these days. Can’t find something one day, it’ll turn up the next day. I put important things like my keys in the exact same spot as soon as I get home so I don’t lose them, but hats, coats, gloves…whatever. No big deal. I’ve got plenty of other hats.

But today I went apeshit looking for my hat before I left. I checked the car. I checked the closet, the stairs, my room, my bed (it would NEVER be there – I saw Drugstore Cowboy!), every single inch of my house and I couldn’t find my hat. Today, the hat became the biggest deal of all.

So why today? Why did I go nuts looking for a hat that will probably turn up as soon as I’m finished writing this?

Because I need luck. And the hat, my favourite hat, is a crutch. My security hat, as it were. I had it all figured out. My day, like most of my days, is planned to the moment. If I put on my hat, went and did my errands, the whole day would go swimmingly and everything would be perfect.

Only I don’t have the hat. So, as anyone who is superstitious or overly anxious will tell you, the day will now go to shit.

But whose fault would it be if the day went to shit? Would it be the hat’s fault? An inanimate object that was crafted in a factory in China somewhere among hundreds of other similar black hats has that much power over my life. And I have no such power to guide the day out of the shit. Apparently.

How ridiculous does that sound?

The day is going to be exactly what it is and no more, no less.

How shitty has this day been? I left without the hat, got everything I need to finish painting my kitchen, came back, took everyone out for lunch, finished my paint prep, made dinner, posted on Instagram, and drank my requisite 64 oz of water.  The opera on Saturday Afternoon at the Opera was La Boheme, one of my favourites and exactly what I needed to hear today at this moment in my life and everyone in the house left me alone because they know when it’s La Boheme they don’t interrupt. Not one freaking sound.

That doesn’t sound like such a bad day, does it? And whatever is going to happen during the rest of the day and night is going to happen and will turn out exactly as it’s meant to turn out. Whether I find the hat or not.

The universe is sending me a message, and maybe I need to listen to these more often.

I hate wearing hats anyway.